Silent Bats Drop Bammel Coeds to 2-4 on Season

Associated Press - Wire Feed

[Due to interruptions in service last week, this week's softball recap was distributed earlier than normal at no additional cost to the subscribed readership.]

NCS BASEBALL FIELD - There was no FBI investigation and no jail cell interviews. There were no appearances by Jodie Foster or Anthony Hopkins. There were no disturbingly graphic images and the evening did not end with a dramatic chase through the dark. Yet, given the mysterious abduction of a once vibrant offense so close to the witching hours of Halloween, Monday night's spooky performance on the ball field could easily be coined The Silence of the "Bams". A roster of nearly 17 players combined to plate a single run as Bammel fell abruptly to Champions and tallied their fourth loss of the season while moving to 2-4. A manhunt continues to figure out where all the offensive production is being held against its will.

The box score from Monday night's affair resembled that of a missing Dead Sea scroll or ancient Egyptian inscription --- both fraught with unintelligible symbols very similar to our present-day zero or "0". The abundance of these hieroglyphic figures repeated in column after column clearly convey an immediacy with which the writer worked to capture this cataclysmic historical famine. We can tell that the events of this period started off well with back-to-back lead-off singles from Macy and Robyn Archer but a great plague consumed any further productivity from the rest of the participants. Upon further analysis of the text, it remains unclear exactly what ailment(s) befell this unfortunate collection of tribes and we must resort to separate historical accounts to piece the rest of the story together. The scribe, or "score-keeper" per modern translation, identifies herself as Danielle Savaria within the writings and we can only imagine how ghastly it must have been to witness the proceedings in person.

The lineup card included many familiar names including Chris Russo, Taylor & Mason Rathbun, Dennis & Taylor Huff, Russell Wiggins, Mandy Chan, Travis Mulder, Cassie Miller, Coco & Bobby Stewart, Carley Pope and a cast of several others including some NCS baseball players. Multiple eyewitness accounts corroborated the fact that Macy Archer, Carley Pope and the brothers Rathbun performed admirably well in outfield defense while under constant bombardment. Macy was especially impressive with his demonstration of a howitzer for an arm. The infield was a true team effort as the talents of countless players were tested at various positions. Chris Russo (3b), Russell Wiggins (ss), Robyn Archer (2b), Taylor Huff (1b), Dennis Huff (p) and Mandy Chan (c) were on point to start the evening but the team policed itself well and numerous substitutions occurred as the innings marched on.

Sadly, the energy in the field could not be duplicated at the plate and it quickly became a long --- or rather short --- night of offense from the Bammel bats. Initially, the blame seemed to fall on the shoulders of captain/pitcher Jason Dyniewski who wasted a perfect bases-loaded opportunity to serve up some run-scoring fastballs. However, even a pitching change to Dennis Huff could do little to jump-start the lineup on a night when most of the productive swings came against mosquitoes. Team officials have filed a formal protest claiming that the halo of insect repellant around the field contributed to a chemical haze that negatively impacted the hitters. It is not expected that this protest will warrant further investigation.

The silence of the bats was further compounded by an uneasy tension emanating from the stands due to the continued contract holdout of veteran Dr. Bob Stewart --- who was in attendance at the game with his lovely wife. Bammel GM Jason Dyniewski reiterated that every effort is being made to resolve the outstanding issue(s) in a timely fashion. "Dr. Bob is a critical component to the success of this franchise long-term," remarked the weary executive while adding that, "It's perfectly clear that adding Bob's bat to the lineup will give some teeth to the offense. No pun intended."

A source familiar with the on-going negotiations indicated that dental benefits have been worked out. However, the current gap centers around "philosophical differences" between both sides regarding whether or not team "high fives" and tagging runners out constitute the laying on off hands. The team has attempted to soothe any wounds by extending the contracts of family members Coco and Bobby but the jury is still out on whether we will see the good doctor on the field in 2011.

Finally, team management wanted to recognize the special work of Danielle Savaria over the course of the season --- and on Monday night in particular. Danielle has been an invaluable resource in helping manage the lineup and keep the score each week. On Monday night, Danielle continued this trend even though she suffered a mountain-biking accident over the weekend that resulted in stitches and a swollen hand. Danielle's assistance is greatly appreciated by the front office and has helped keep on-field operations running as smooth as possible.

Management would retire Danielle's number except that the team doesn't have assigned jersey numbers and has not completed funding for the retractable roof where retired numbers would be displayed. More to come on that item but until then...Thanks, Danielle!

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Fans and players will be treated to a Halloween hiatus next week on Monday, October 31. No games are scheduled and play will resume the following Monday, Nov 5.

See you at the ballpark!