The Power of Your Presence

Written on July 14, 2018

Originally written as a MS Care Partner blog entry in 20218

My wife and I celebrated our fifteenth wedding anniversary earlier this year (2018). Fifteen years together. Fifteen years to have and to hold. Fifteen years for better and for worse. Fifteen years of richer and poorer. Fifteen years in sickness and in health.

Fifteen years with relapsing MS.

Unlike many couples, we weren't surprised by my wife's relapsing MS because she was diagnosed years before we met one another. We shared our vows with full awareness that relapsing MS was a part of our journey. However, there are many days when relapsing MS rears its ugly head and that early knowledge provides little comfort.

Life as a relapsing MS care partner consists of both challenges and celebrations - not usually distributed in equal portions. I regularly tell people that I don't have relapsing MS but I live with it. And it's true. I don't feel all the pains and twinges of my wife's MS but I ache every time she hurts.

There are many days that I wish I could snap my fingers and cure my wife's relapsing MS. There are countless occasions when I long for the perfect antidote. Not a week goes by where I wish I could find that elusive solution to eliminate my wife's relapsing MS forever. Sadly, I don't have the magic or the means to fix my wife's illness.

It's easy to feel powerless in the daily fight against relapsing MS. I am not a doctor or neurologist, so what can I do? The question often stumped me until I realized one very important thing I can do to help my wife.

Be there by her side.

There's a quote by Thelma Davis that says, "When someone is going through a storm, your silent presence is more powerful than a million empty words." This quote provides constant encouragement that while I may never have the wisdom or words to fix my wife's relapsing MS, I will always be by her side in the fight.

There are nights when my wife climbs into bed exhausted from another day of relapsing MS. Often the best thing I have done is lay next to her, rest my hand on her hip or take her hand to let her know that I am there with her.

There are times that my wife has spent days in the hospital hooked up to medicine, monitors and regular visits from nurses. Often the best thing I have done is sleep on a pull-out couch in her hospital room every night of her stay to let her know I am there with her.

There are times that my wife reluctantly arrives at her neurologist's office afraid that another round of treatment is to come. Often the best thing I have done is drive her to the office and wait patiently until we are called back together to let her know I am there with her.

Fifteen years with relapsing MS has filled our lives with plenty of ups and downs. My wife takes on relapsing MS with incredible strength, but some days leave her feeling like she doesn't have much left to give. Your partner, friend or family member may have days like that too.

Those are the times when you may never find the right words as a care partner, but you don't have to. Often the best thing you can do is be there to let them know they do not fight alone.

That's the power of your presence.