Twas The Night Before Sprint Closeout 2024

Filed on December 6, 2024

This version of the classic poem was given an IT project flavor related to a large program I’m a part of at work. A little holly jolly to end the year.

‘Twas the Aspire night before sprint closeout, for three weeks had passed
Not a feature was stirring — not an epic, PBI or task
The backlogs were groomed by the chimney with care
In hopes that new work items soon would be shared

The scrum masters were nestled all snug in their beds
While queries and dashboards danced in their heads
And POs in their ‘kerchiefs — all the pods in their caps,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap

When in the Teams chat there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
Away to the SharePoint I flew like a flash,
Re-opened my browser and cleared out the cache

The moon on the breast of the latest MLP
Gave a luster of Monday.com to the few who could see
When what to my wondering eyes did appear
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer

With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

“Now ETRM, now D&A, now Integration, QA and SMEs!
On BAs! On DA! On POs and tech teams!
To the top of Release 1! To the top of Release 2!
Let’s transform the business into something quite new!”

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I reworked my estimates and was turning around
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A spreadsheet to track spreadsheets he’d flung on his back
With pivot tables and picklists to keep status well tracked

His eyes how they twinkled! His dimples, divine!
His capacity this night was fully assigned
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
Wrapped just like requirements signed off by POs

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know all dependencies were met.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
Recorded his demos, then turned with a jerk,
He checked all his tasks, then set them to closed
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight —
“Merry Christmas to all, may your story points be right!”